The subconscious mind

Suicide..

2011-08-01T14:31:00.000-07:00

why is suicide considered a sin??

I think its one way to attain absolute freedom.. we are bound with so many chains, family ties, love of the loved ones and it takes a great courage to ignore all of it and commit suicide. In a way you leave behind evrything, knowing tht this is gonna hurt ur frens and family and prob some would be devastated. Just like Lord Buddha at a very early age left his home and went ahead in search of true knowledge breaking all the worldly ties and attained Moksha as we call it. How is suicide any different than tht?? Is it not a way to attain moksha from all the worldly ties??

I don say tht I appreciate escapism but wht if the reason for suicide is not escapism but to jst let go of the ties and be free.. wht if u decide its time to leave this world not to escape something but jst to leave..

Disclaimer: ppl am not at all thinking for committing suicide :) This is jst a thot which crossed my mind and has no relevance wht so ever..

....

2011-05-16T12:05:00.001-07:00

It happens so often that we find ourselves puzzled by the questions like, "where do i really belong?" "where do i have to be?" "what is my place in the world?"
These questions puzzles most of us but only a few lucky ones actually figure out the answer, and i have heard that one who figures out the answers, finds a sense of direction, their passion in life and it eventually leads to true happiness n bla bla bla.

Well, even I succeeded in finding the answers but surprisingly instead of bringing true happiness n other crap to my life, this answer has brought me more misery.
I am sure, i didn't want this answer but still its out there in the open and no matter how much i wish i can no more deny it. For most of us this answer accompanies with a certain clarity about what path to take in their lives. But my answers leaves me with absolutely no path. what path should one take to reach nowhere? yes, thats my answer. I found out that I don't belong anywhere, nowhere. Its like am waiting at a railway station to not board a train and am just waiting. But why?? and till when?? I don't know..

my first Squash game

2011-03-05T10:39:00.001-08:00

i won i won i won!!!
yey !!!
tht too against a guy :)
bond hai hum toh, hehe..
okay, d truth is: it was 1st squash game for both the parties and I lost the nxt 2 matches but still bond toh hum hi hai :P

Trek to hemagiri betta

2011-02-13T11:22:00.000-08:00

Starting from bnglr at arnd 6 in the morning, most of us were still half asleep..
n den it happened and all d sleepy heads were suddenly wide awake :P
one of the 3 cars bumped onto a boulder and tyre jst bursts..
Gosh !! wht an adventurous start of the trek :)
so we get down with tools n change tyre.. n guess wht? I helped :)

Anyways, aftr d delays we finally reached the starting point for our trek at arnd 10.30, it was so hot and dry.. we were on the verge of dropping the idea n getting bck as trekking in broad day light with sun high made no sense.. But den d mountain was too attractive to turn backs on, so we continued.. n am glad we did!!

Though the trek wasn't exactly tough, conquering the rough rocky terrain was one of the experiences we surely wud cherish for long..The mid-day sun was hot but the cool breezes made it perfect!! with no vegetation around,and even the small shrubs burnt, it presented a dead desert like, picture perfect image for photography lovers..

Thanks guys for planning this up n den messing up the plan n eventually converting an early morning trek to mid-day trek..Certainly a different kinda experience :P

Declaration - straight from my heart !!

2011-02-12T13:19:00.000-08:00

I have hated evryone I hv ever loved !!

A pleasant surprise !!

2010-11-23T05:30:00.000-08:00

There I found it hiding between the pages of one old dear book, which i was quickly rushing through looking for one of my favorite bookmarks..
A note written on the page dated 5th Dec, torn from someone's diary..
5th of December is my b'day..
and a part of the note was "Happy B'Day U'r D BEST"
its so sweet to know that someone once marked a diary page for your b'day..
Now I would like to tell this dearest someone that you are not going to be just a minute part of the happiness you once wished for me and the memories because i know together we would have a big happy life in spite of the blunders u and I commit..

The unexpected note from you was such a pleasant surprise.. it first made me cry and then smile :)

Some fundas, which we used to believed in!!

2010-04-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

1. If u eat so much of jam, u will develop a hole in your throat.
OMG!! lets not eat so much of jam else it would come out through the hole :P
2. If you eat seed of any of the fruits, a tree would grow inside your stomach.
Now it always bothered me if the tree branches are gonna come out from my mouth n ear n nose :(
3. Be very careful while eating fishes, if u swallow its bones it would create holes in your stomach.
Shit yaar!! I would look like a fountain the next time I drink water :P
4. Don't ever disturb mom during her mid-day snap else a budha baba will come n take u with him in his jhola
5. You can create an eraser by sharperned remains of crayons and pencils kept overnight in milk. Tried it so many a times with varying proportions but no success :(
6. Don't remember why but always kept peacock's feather inside a book
7. Captain Vyom was real !!
I loved those days so much!!
why so much changes??
why do we hv to live when we want die n why do we hv to die when we want to live??

Letter to the unknown (yet known)

2010-03-24T00:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Pal,

How are you? I know this is a question I never ask. Its always about me, how i am, my dreams, my thoughts, my wishes, my thanks, never have I bothered to ask whats up with u? I refer to you as my dear pal, but still all I talk about is the big ME. You have been real good to me, being with me even through times when I haven't been very pleasant to you. Good that I realized my mistake before losing you.
Take Care and update me on whts up der ?

Your's
Big ME

night is good, so good night !!

2010-01-10T10:30:00.001-08:00

just close your eyes and sleep off.
nothing will change, all the worries will still be der in the morning. dey say, "morning brings a new day ahead" but who cares?? n why care?? n why be under any illusions?? its gonna suck d same way. if u r waiting for the night to pass on, hold on and think for a moment. why do u even want it to pass?? jst let it be. after all we humans r better sleepers during night, lets sleep off our worries. d longer d better..
so good night to all d troubled souls, lets jst sleep tight n may it stay night all day..

My floating blanket

2009-10-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

Ever thought why u like making rangolis
Is it coz it gives u the freedom to muse over the endless sea of thoughts w/o anyone prompting "kya sochne lag gayi?" (as if I wudn't think it loud if i had to tell you :) Such fools ppl r sometimes, to be asking such an obvious question.
Anyways, if u r busy making a rangoli, or rather pondering over under cover ;), no one wud ever disturb u wid those silly questions, dey wud jst settle for "she is thinking of the design n colours to fill in" or may be a comment like "its really luking nice". Of course it wud luk nice, anything made out of so many pretty colours will luk nice even w/o any thought given to it. I made this one without any thought, even w/o any outline(tht explains for it not being symmetric :D). Thanks to the dumbness of ppl u finally get to be free to jst float into d ocean by ur own. I wish Alice had known this, her adventures would have been longer!!

Fast friends ( bole toh speedwise)

2009-10-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

She( hesitatingly): Hi(pause) aa(pause)actually, I needed some help. One of my friend is visiting me for a day and my PG is undergoing renovation. I'm really tensed about where should I put her as I was the one who invited her, never knew this renovation would come up this time only.I heard a room at your place is vacant.
Me(thinking I should say something and relieve this poor soul from the awkwardness, after all she seems to be nice): hey, thats nothing to ask for. just come over
Before this conversation, we had a passing-by-hi-hello kinda acquaintance, or may be we talked once or twice in the lobby.
Next morning I left the keys to my place at my landlords as I would be in office by the time they would come over(a pathetic host as I am). She dropped her friend at my place and came over to office herself as she was to go on a leave for a week next day onwards. By the time I was done with my work I realised, I had a guest waiting who I wouldn't even recognise. How can I go home, it would be awkward. May be she wouldn't even open the doors to me. So I decided to wait for my colleague
By the time we reached home(20 mins in rickshaw) we were talking quite a lot and then the three of us went to dine outside. By the time we came back we were chit-chatting and laughing just too much. Gawd!! I had so much fun with them.And by the time we went to sleep we were good friends :)
This can happen only with saggis !!
To this some of my friends might say "this can happen only to an idiot like u, kisi ko bhi ghar mein invite kar leti hai"
Anyways, thanks to the renovation process :O

Ek hi din mein do baar ek hi bewakoofi karke bhi bach sakte ho !!!

2009-08-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

hey, u know what, I forgot to get a platform ticket.. got lucky, no issues just came out of railway station. bachh gaye aaj toh.
uff.. chal achcha hai bach gayi.
hadbadi mein yaad hi nahi raha bilkul.
can't hear u properly, i guess weak signal. baad mein call karta hu. bye!
okies bbye!

ohh ohh.. just missed a bus back to noida.
should i wait for the next bus to come? but tht wud mean at least an hr of waiting...
kya karu? I guess I should get to the other side of railway station n catch a metro to next bus stop. yea tht wud save time. ( going back to the station)
but i don hv platform ticket.. whrs d counter?
uff!! itni lambi line ( looooooooooong queue)
may be i shud jst wait for the bus (walking towards the station exit..) but its too hot, can't wait for bus for so long, i'll jst get back to the station n see if ders a ladies queue..
no ladies queue :(
ab kya karu, shud i wait for bus only??
Beta jaana kahaa hai?
(a passer-by coming to the rescue of this confused soul)
uncle metro station.
so why don u take the overbridge n jst cross over to the other side of station?
actually can't decide whether i need a platform ticket for tht.
no u won't need platform ticket for tht.
sure?
haan haan
thank u uncle :)

finally, relieved from pendulum motion, just one direction to go now :)
so hum chal diye bade maze mein. earphones plugged in, FM mein mast gaane aa rahe hai!!
******** tu dede mera saath, thaam le haath, chahe jo bhi...*********

excuse me !!

oh shit!!! TTI !!

platfrom ticket show kijiye-

but sir woh toh hai nahi

kyu nahi hai?? teen rupaye ka ticket hota hai aur fine dhai sau ka..

(ab shuru kiye hum fundae dena :P )
actually hum toh platform se aa hi nahi rahe hai.. (TTI amused) sach mein... see, ticket counter aur platform entry ke right side pe, iss overbridge ki jo entry hai, i took that way. so i din get a platform ticket coz i suppose woh toh platform ke liye hota hai naa :O (common logic hai yaar.. platform ticket overbridge ke liye thodi naa lena hoga)

how do i know whr u coming from? u cud hv come thru platform as well? maine dekha toh hai nahi..

(ab time aa gaya hai apne bhole bhaale chehre ko prayog mein laane ka)
sir actually i hd to go to noida n i missed the bus, so i thot i wud jst get to the other side, to the metro n then catch a bus from barahkhamba road..

achcha... how much do u hv ??

(luckily my wallet was in my bag n had jst 50+some bucks in my pocket :D :D )
sir, bus itne hi hai n i hv to get back to noida :(

ab shuru hui bekaar ki interrogation.. huh!!
naam kya hai??? kaam karti ho?? kaun si company??
ghar kaha hai?? ohh patna se ho..
office kaha hai? Id dikhao..
salary kitni hai?? (yeh bataaya toh gaye)
beta jab maalum nahi tha toh kisi se puchhna chahiye tha naa..

sir, actually "ek insaan" se puchhe the

(ab woh hasna chaalu)
achcha? insaan se puchchi thi?? toh mai kya haiwaan hu??

jst cudn't control myself laughing out loud at this
:D :D :D

aage se nahi karogi naa?

nahi, ab toh maalum chal gaya, toh kyu karenge :)

achcha jao !!!

(me calling d same fren)
bachch gaye phir se...

She...

2009-08-24T11:48:00.000-07:00

under the face, its confined
u only think, u can see her smile and cry
but u can't
its only her face, u see
its only her face, she wants u to see

Lack of hope, does brings hope sometimes....

2009-06-14T00:36:00.000-07:00

He remembered the story of the Eastern king who, desiring to know the history of man, was brought by a sage five hundred volumes; busy with affairs of state, he bade him go and condense it; in twenty yrs the sage returned and his history now was in no more than 50 volumes, but the king, too old then to read so many ponderous tomes, bade him go and shorten it once more; twenty yrs passed again and the sage, old and grey, bought a single book in which was the knowledge the king had sought; but the king lay on his death bed, and he had no time to read even that; and then the sage gave him the history of man in a single line; it was "he was born, he suffered and he died".
There was no meaning in life and man by living served no end. Life was insignificant and death without consequences. He exulted: it seemed to him that the last burden of responsibility was taken from him; and for the first time he was utterly free. His insignificance was turned to power, and he felt himself suddenly equal with the cruel fate which had seemed to persecute him; for if life was meaningless, the world was robbed of its cruelty. He was the most inconsiderable creature in that swarming mass of mankind which for a brief space occupied the surface of earth; and he was almighty because he had wrenched from chaos the secret of its nothingness. Thoughts came tumbling over one another in his eager fancy, and he took long breaths of joyous satisfaction. He had not been so happy for months.
- William Somerset Maugham

2009-05-28T18:21:00.000-07:00

If anything and everything done is inevitable then whr comes the so called illusion of free will?? if everything happens coz the damn forces of universe conspired to cause it, then why d hell do we even have a will ???
how can we then attach any meaning to the words 'good' or 'bad'...
how can we make a hierarchy of human actions and ascribe worthiness to some and ill repute to others??

2009-05-28T18:17:00.000-07:00

Is art the most important thing in the world or is it a luxury??
Is it only when the basic instincts are satisfied that ppl consent to occupy themselves with the entertainment provided by writers , painters & poets?? is it merely a refuge which the ingenious have invented to escape the tediousness of life !!!
who cares :)

Gods must be crazy

2008-12-04T11:54:00.001-08:00

We learn to tackle with the confusions and dilemmas of our mind in our own ways. My way was the answer to the question "what do I really want to do?" . This magic mantra made my life so much easier and simpler. Ahh!! I loved those days when I could take decisions simply on the basis of what I wanted to do , the days of absolute independence... when I could simply throw off any option which did not please me enough and choose what suited me d most.But God thinks in mysterious ways... he turned my stable equilibrium system into, i donno what... sidha rambaan chalaya mere upar... and I'm rendered indecisive. Now I have multiple answers to the deciding question as well :)
More than 20yrs of my learning to tackle dilemmas, is now of absolutely no use. GOOD JOB !!! what do u want from me?? I agree u r smarter than you made me. So now kindly give back my decisive power. I swear, I'll try to be nicer.

2008-06-09T01:26:00.000-07:00

The grass was green and moist, providing free acupressure through the soft pinch of it. Under the sky full of clouds ready to take any shape you imagine them to and a few stars scattered here and there , we lay flat in the dark tranquil park. After glaring at the clouds for some time, I could see a bunny with his ears dropping over in the sky and then a furry white doggy with his forearms bend over so as trying to lap and just then my friend points at the huge mass of cloud taking a shape resembling superman ( damn funny one ). We could also spot a T-shirt up there.
The clouds were playing the same childhood games it used to , around 20 years back. Taking us down the faded memory lane to the childhood days when we used to sleep on the terrace at my grandma's place to escape the heat of summer nights with no electricity. Up on the terrace, its very pleasant and temperature moderate, with soft breeze blowing occasionally causing a few leaves to change there sleeping postures followed by melancholy hissing .
The huge tree with a hole in its trunk visible from the terrace with moon right beside it, gloomy enough to scare my younger sister and she will cuddle near me asking for a confirmation that its nothing scary but just a tree and no bhoot will come out of that hole. I obviously love scaring her ( i actually love the fact that she comes over to me whenever she is scared ), so instead i would ask her to not even look towards it else the old witch who lives in there and seeks for small children who get scared easily will come over and take you, even i believed this ( point to be noted : i was also a kid then). And that is why i asked her to never get scared or she will take us.
To this, her reply would be "everyone is around here only and so the witch can't take me. I can shout loud and then papa would wake up aur dande se bhagaa denge" But then doubts will cross her mind , what if she takes me when i'm deep asleep. So she would ask me to please hold her hands firmly while sleeping also, just in case the witch comes over while she is asleep and unaware. At this point Ma will call out asking us to sleep quitely. And we would decide not to look at the tree at any cost and not to get scared otherwise the budhi witch would take us. But one fine morning something did come out of the hole, it was a woodpecker living in there, after that day we could sleep even facing towards the tree or away from it, as was the comfort. Thanks to the woodpecker for enlightening and relieving us from the curse of sleeping, facing just one side of the world .

tree plantation

2008-06-05T23:01:00.000-07:00

We had a small scale tree plantation activity in the company premises, actually they were small show plants but still, something is definitely better than nothing...I planted three cute plants. Its stupid how it feels so great after planting something, i guess i should have been in a profession closer to nature than the tech world. I should have pursued a career in farming. As my freinds very well know (since i have discussed it with them so many times) i have always longed for a quite life in some jungle in a small tree house, sitting on an aaram chair, reading a novel, a jungle which has tall green trees and a river flowing nearby. But seeing to the practical side of it, we need food...and i might miss my family and friends there, and a constant supply of novels might be difficult so i decided i should rather satisfy myself with some wildlife sanctuary or some national park (the heights of practicality - constraining myself even while dreaming). Someday i'll go work in a wildlife sanctuary, i hope they take me as a volunteer rather than an endangered species. This i'm pretty sure, my friends would say as "rather than an animal"

2008-06-05T22:20:00.000-07:00

Is it difficult to bear failure? does it shatters u? or , does it drives u crazy? or, do u start questioning the almighty on why its happening to u ? do u??? wait a sec n reconsider ur agony... hv u ever thot wht hurts more? ur failure or seeing some1 u love n u really care for fail at somthin really important to them.
When you say its gonna be all right , r u sure its really gonna be or do u hv second thoughts abt it? is it not harder to realize u can't do a thing abt it n whether u accept or not, u r helpless!! does it not strikes hard the ego u live wid, the attitude u carry which says 'kismat khud likhi jaati hai'.. Now, how do u write ur loved one's kismat...can u fight their battles ? can u bear pain on their behalf? can u shield them? NO, u can't always n this pain is much more than being a loser urself !!